On Saying I love you...

I've been in a happy relationship for 16 months. We get along great, have lots of similar interests and ideas and the sex is good.

We haven't said "I love you" yet.

No wait, that's not true. I said it to him - once...sort of. I was looking for an updated version of MS Office as mine had stopped working and my boyfriend thankfully said he had one and could lend it to me. I wrote him a text message back that said "I love you! ill come pick it up tonight!"

So yeah, I've said it once.

A good girl friend of mine thinks I'm insane. And every time I talk to her, I start to think the same thing. "You haven't talked about the future? Are you guys going to move in together? Do you LOVE him?" she fires questions at me over lattes and cappucinos. Actually, those are for me - as she doesn't drink coffee. I need to caffeine to keep up with the rapid train of thought without getting spun out.

Traditionally, polls suggest that both women and men think 6 months is a good length of time in a relationship to utter those little words. Of course, this varies from relationship to relationship, with reality TV celebrities of the likes of Khloe Kardashian declaring her undying love for Lamar Odom and taking the all important plunge after just 4 weeks of dating.

As for my good friend, her last relationship last about 3 months and she swears she was in love with him. But she'd also said she felt weird saying it and told him in French, which he understood. I think they broke up not too long after that.

The thing is, I'm in no hurry to declare my devotion with words like "I love you" or "you're my everything" or "I want to marry you". I mean, history is a good indication of how futile those words can be.

Of the past 8 real relationships that I've had in my young life, in lengths ranging from 2 months (with some being long distance) to 2.5 years, the rundown on love was:

-3 mutual "I love yous" said between both parties. All 3 ended badly.
-1 "I love you" only from the male party. Ended but not quite as badly.
-1 "I love you" only from the female party (I hadn't even been conscious I said it and fortunately he pretended not to hear). We're actually pretty good friends.
-2 non "I love yous" - both ended with a mutual understanding/indifference to not speak to each other.


Anyway, I reckon that it doesn't really matter if you say it or don't say it, as none of these past relationships worked. I said the words - or didn't say the words - for a number of reasons. And the thing is, I felt really different about all of these men, but in some way or another, it could or could not be construed as love. But when you say the words out loud, does that difference get communicated? Or is it just an all-in-one package?

So where does that leave me now? Sixteen months and no I love you. And generally, I'm pretty sure I'm okay with it. Cause I feel different about this guy, and it's good. Is it
love? Shrug who knows.

I guess I can always ponder it over a cappucino.


What are your thoughts? How long do you date before you say I love you? What's the shortest or longest time before it HAS to be said?

Lost in Space

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but where does that put the rest of us?

I think almost every modern woman and man has at some point in their busy lives, looked up from their computer screens, Blackberries and iPods to ponder "mating". We are after all still animals by nature, driven by some innate desire to propagate our species - even though human beings really are in no danger of becoming sparse in its numbers anytime soon.

Today's modern society has really put quite a spin on the whole process. There are movies, books, DVDs, blogs, dating websites - not to mention your best friend dispensing his or her sage wisdom on conquering the opposite sex whether it be for the night or for a married eternity.

"Men and women are just built differently," a good girlfriend tells me. "Men just don't get us. They can't, they're just...different. You know, like men are from Mars, women are from Venus."

So I'm supposed to be a Venutian, which in today's modern era, from what I sometimes gather means:

- I, as the amazing modern superwoman, am supposed to be confident, sexy, independent, strong, sensitive and overall amazingly awesome.
- So much so that men should feel privileged to be in my company and buy me dinner, lavish me with presents, open doors, care and provide for my awesome sexy independence.
- If they don't do the things above, then it's because I'm always falling for the bad boys and losers who don't treat me right for the awesomeness that I am...or they have commitment problems.
- In which case it's better for me to stay single for life than to settle for second best because I am amazing sexy confident and independent.
- Or at least until I hit the "big 3-0" or "3-5" or the ever dreaded "3-7.699"... in which case all bets are off...and my sexy awesome independent self becomes lonely and desperate
- And I will suddenly only be surrounded by married, taken and gay men...

???

Somebody get me a map....I think I took a wrong term around the Milky Way...