Is chivalry dead?

Opening doors, offering chairs, paying for dinner, taking off the hat - these are the usual concepts of chivalry, stemming from the days of knighthood when the great gentlemen were expected to follow a specific chivalric code. Knights were trained to fearless fighters, full of honour and gallantry, aggressive on the battle field, that was then tempered by a particular chivalric code that centred around respect. The Song of Roland was one example, outlining how one should behave. Much of the chivalric code and expected duties stem from Faith in the church, with honourable characteristics including honesty and prudence.

The chivalric code extended to matters of the heart - and love in the medieval courts. Damsels were aplenty in the King's court and a knight courting his beloved had certain ideas and notions on that love. The Rules of Love in the court are outlined by Andreas Capellanus in his work, De Amore:

• Marriage is no excuse for not loving.
• An easy attainment makes love contemptible; a difficult one makes it more dear.
• It is not proper to love one whom one would be ashamed to marry.
• True jealousy always increases the effects of love.

Of course, when we talk about chivalry, we don't really mean the knights of the courts - we're talking more about men honouring women, being courteous and considerate to the "finer sex". So when we ask if chivalry is dead, we're really considering this fundamental question: do men today respect and honour women?

And I guess, there's no real answer - there are certainly plenty of women that I respect, Angela Merkel for one, while there are plenty of women that I don't really have a lot of respect for - say Lindsay Lohan with her ankle bracelet - not that I'm really judging her or anything. There are plenty of respectable men - like Obama - and absolutely abhorrent ones (I'll let you come up with a few on your own).

So back to the question - is chivalry dead? In the age of Carrie Bradshaw, have sex like a man and Lindsay Lohan's party girl independence - do men respect women less than they did in the past?

Call me an optimistic - but I don't think so. I think men are confused about the appropriate actions to demonstrate their honour and respect - do I hold open the door or am I infringing on her independence? It's a minefield to walk through - depending on the girl and the situation. But deep down underneath - the modern man still respects the modern woman.

After all, if they didn't - they'd be hearing from their mothers.

Do you think chivalry is dead? Do women want men to be chivalrous? Are certain girls worth it?

Sex and the City - a phenomenon

I am standing in a queue for the new Sex and the City flick - you can feel the energy in the room. Women of all shapes, ages, backgrounds and races - all keen to see their fav fab 4 in action.

Reading the reviews, there's little doubt that S&C is - a phenomenon - that's what Margaret called it last night on At the Movies. And it is - something about the show has really captured the heart of the fairer sex so that plot, realism, dialogue - all that stuff we look for in movies - they don't matter. It's about the clothes, the style, the setting - what these women represent.

And only women seem to get it. I loved watching Margaret become so animated in defending her enjoyment of the movie. A girl I work with had the same reaction - it's a love that cannot be challenged - like defending the honour of someone bitching about your BFF.

What can I say - it's a girl thing.

Queue's moving, here we go. :) See you all on the other side.

Does social media empower us?

Facebook, twitter, blogs - web 2.0 has given us all a forum to voice our thoughts and opinions, share our feelings and ideas - and give us the satisfaction that we matter. Doesn't matter that we're not experts on a matter - this is democracy in the 21st century and our opinions count!

From broadcasting our hook ups and conquests - to our fails and faux pas - social media gives us a forum to say what we really think - and with 140 character limits - we don't even have to give evidence or support our claims. Don't like it? De-friend me right now - go on I dare you.

So has social media liberated and empowered our society - giving us an outlet to speak our minds freely? Or are we in such a frenzy to be heard that what we say has no real substance anymore?

And where do women fit into the social media sphere? I wonder about women in particular because women are seen as being exceptionally influential in this space. A 2008 study shows that while both sexes are adapting social media, women far outpace men in the use of these networks. Women are generally more community and network oriented in their daily lives and there more mediums - such an online gaming - that demand male attention in front of the computer.

So how are women using their online voice? Many speculate that as social media continues to grow as a viable and necessary business component, more and more women will be needed to execute these strategies - which means more opportunities to females to be in control. On the other hand, on a personal level, maybe it's a bit of a social crutch that lets us hide behind our idealised visions of the world - where everyone is tweeting, liking and digging the same things - and speaking with the same voice.

But who's REALLY listening?

What are your thoughts on social media in society? Do you use it? Do you like it?

Ego check

We all have egos - and our individual preferences lead us to different actions to satisfy our egos. Some of us need verbal affirmation, some of us need to demonstrate an amazing accomplishment or achievement - still others, thrive on the thrill of secrecy or being covert - like having a secret awesome identity that nobody else knows about.

When it comes to relationships though, our egos can change. I've noticed this. The usually secure and boastful alpha male becomes insecure and doubtful in front of his mate. Or the usual secretive silent achievers can't shut up about their awesome quiet accomplishments in front of their loved ones.

What is it about us as social beings that requires us to wear a mask through most of our daily interactions?

Is the world such a truly gruesome and terrifying place? Are we all so afraid of each other? What's the worse that could happen if we abandoned our facades for a day?

Apologies for the existential rambling - I blame the gloomy weather. Next week, I'll be reviewing Sex and the City 2 - should be fun!

Everyone has gone Cougar Crazy

The blogging world is abuzz with Google's decision to ban the dating site, CougarLife.com from appearing on AdSense. With celebrity cougar cub couples like Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore and the RV shows like Cougar Town, cause we all know Courtney Cox-Arquette is the stereotypical cougar - the world has gone really gone cougar crazy. I went on a City Chase in Sydney a few weeks back (think Amazing Race but in the city) and the winning creative team name was - "The Cougar and the Boy". (She didn't really look cougary and he didn't really look like a boy in case you were wondering).


Meanwhile, a recent study conducted in Germany warns that cougars who marry younger men could be shortening their life span by as much as 20%.

It's hardly a new phenomenon really. I remember shows that go as way back as Doogie Howser (Neil Patrick Harris before he was Barney) that talked about the phenomenon - essentially men hit their sexual prime at the age of 17 while a woman's libido doesn't peak until she's about 40 - so really the match up makes sense. And then there are the cougars way before Demi Moore - Elizabeth Taylor with rumours going around that she may be set to make her most recent beau, Jason Winters, hubby number 9. Winters, is of course, 29 years Taylor's junior.


So really, I find myself asking, what's the big deal???

Is this the next part of the great feminism wave and step for women's rights? Now that we are keen on our careers, our social lives, our freedom to have sex like a man - is the next logical step to promote and glorify cougardom so that when we do decide we're ready to settle down - we think we're hot enough to get the 20 something year boy cubs?

What do you think? Why the interest in cougars? Will we see more of them in the coming years or is it just fad?

Cougar Terms to Know

Cougar - a woman, usually aged 35 or older who prefers - and actively pursues younger men - usually 8 years her junior.

Cub - the young male counterpart to the cougar.

Trout - a term used for a male dating a significantly younger female.

Puma - considered a cougar in training, refers to a woman in her late twenties or early thirties who dates a younger man.

Source: Wikipedia

Do women just want too much?

Interesting tweet came up on my dashboard a few days ago that I wanted to share with:

"RT @Dymocksbooks: RT @onebigorooni: #101comp "Eat, Pray, Love: 1 Woman's Search for Everything": Ppl r SO greedy these days"

Onebigorooni may have run out of characters, but I wonder if he/she really meant "WOMAN r SO greedy these days."

And it could be a valid point.

I haven't read the book, but I've heard that it's an inspiring read. The very personal journey that Gilbert embarks on to heal and grow is, supposedly, very real and relatable. I will have my hands on a copy of it to find out for myself.

Outside of the literary merit of the work, what about the social implications? Do we as women, or maybe as people just simply expect too much?

These days, it's not enough for many to have a roof over their heads and food on the table - we're looking for some sort of "spiritual" or "soulful" satisfaction. We want to feel like we have rewarding careers, loving partners, excitement and security, intimacy - and independence. In a nutshell, we really want it all.

Are we just being too greedy?

An interesting read by Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers, talks about the Paradox of Declining Female Happiness. Over the past 35 years, females as a sex have seen a number of important milestones, from the introduction of birth control to increased female education - a study shows 41 % of women earned a tertiary degree compared to just 33 % of males. We're blazing the way into roles that have always been traditionally held by men - look at the amazing achievements of German chancellor Angela Merkel.

But despite all that, women don't seem to be any happier and Stevenson and Wolfers studies show that women are much less happier than men, compared to 35 years ago when these sorts of opportunities weren't available.

"The increased opportunity to succeed in many dimensions may have led to an increased likelihood of believing that one’s life is not measuring up," Stevenson and Wolfers raise in their discussion. Women are more likely to compare themselves to a broader group - even ones that sit outside of their abilities. We want to succeed as mothers, as lovers, in our careers and among our peers. Perhaps, because women are traditionally more sympathetic to the needs and demands of others - part of our nurturing instincts, we don't want to let anyone down - even if it is just ourselves.

But are we really letting our loved ones down as much as we think we are? In a survey of 3rd - 12th graders and their mothersin the US, while 56% of mothers' believed their children would wish that their mothers could spend more time with them, only 10% of children actually made this wish. The most popular wish was "'I want my mom to be less stressed and tired."

Maybe we have to cut ourselves a break.

What do you think? Are women more or less happy than they were in the past? Do we want and expect too much from life and ourselves? What makes you happy?

Is future happiness tied in the past?

When I was about 3 months into seeing this guy, my good girlfriend asked me "so what's his story? How many people has he been with?"

I honestly had no idea.

About two years later now and we're moving in together - I've met his family and spent Xmas with them twice. I know most of his friends. We spend most of our time together. I also know he hasn't been previously married, doesn't have kids and has never had a gay experience.

I just don't know anything about how many ex's he has or how many people he's slept with.

And he doesn't really know my history either - not that I haven't volunteered it, but he says there's no reason to know.

I can't help but wonder sometimes though. Were his ex's hot? Were they bitchy? Did they live together? Am I kinky enough for him?

That's probably one of the main reasons for partners wanting to know about their partner's past - to ensure that they are sexually gratified. You don't want to find out he has a long standing history of BDSM and the most adventurous you've ever been is doggy style.

The other concern is infidelity. You've heard the expression "once a cheater, always a cheater" and for those who have been hurt by a cheating partner - it's exceptionally hard to trust again. However, according to Private Investigator, Bill Mitchell (who's solved over two thousand infidelity cases, only about 15-20% of cheaters are repeat offenders - so perhaps that offers some level of comfort. Although varying statistics say anywhere between 22 - 50% even 70% of partner's cheat in a marriage - but I have my suspicions that these tests and statistics are conducted by online spy software companies - and PIs like Mitchell - trying to hock their wares. The NYTimes quotes the National Opinion Research Center that says 1/4 of men and 1/6 of women cheat.

So are we paranoid in our desire to know about our partner's past? Is it pivotal to our future happiness? Is it true once a cheater always a cheater?

Your thoughts!!